Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
