I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
