My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
