So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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