take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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