Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
my liver is dry heaving
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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