she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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