winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
