Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
