Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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