Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
