I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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