I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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