It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
