operation harelip BJ is a go
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
