Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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