What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
