never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
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I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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