Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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