Fuck appropriateness.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
