Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
