I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize