I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
