last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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