I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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