So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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