i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
