I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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