you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize