I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The power of my boobs compel you
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
