it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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