I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
