I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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