How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
