people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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