apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
