I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
