Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
