i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
