Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
