i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
