made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
