i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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