Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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