Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
