return my video game
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
