Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
