wake up i wanna do it froggy style
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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