White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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