Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
