Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
