do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
