Pants 0. Shit 1.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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