I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
