careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
