I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
