We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
