I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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