I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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