Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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