There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
