Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
