So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
