Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
