If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
