I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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