I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I want a musical about memes.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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