my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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