i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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