I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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