Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
