maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
