Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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