DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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