im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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