with your own penis?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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