My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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