I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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