he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So. Much. Porn.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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