i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
